A guy goes over to his friends house, rings the bell.
The wife answers. ‘Hi, is Jack home?’ ‘
No, he went to the store.’
‘Well, you mind if I wait?’
‘No come in.’
They sit down and the friend says ‘You know Jessica, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I’d give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one.’ Jessica thinks about this for a second and figures what the hell - a hundred bucks. She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks her and throws a 100 bucks on the table.
They sit there a while longer and Jon says ‘They are so beautiful I’ve got to see the both of them. I’ll give you another 100 bucks if I
could just see the both of them together.’ Jessica thinks about this and says what the hell, opens her robe and gives Jon a nice long look. Jon thanks her and throws another 100 bucks on the table then says he can’t wait any longer for Jack and leaves.
A while later Jack arrives home and his wife says ‘You know, your weird friend Jon came over.’ Jack thinks about this for a second and says ‘Well, did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?’

One day, this man, Chris, died. When he was sent to be judged, he was told that he had committed a sin, and that he could not go to heaven right away. He
asked what he did and God told him that he cheated on his income taxes, and that the only way he could get into heaven would be to sleep with a 500 pound,
stupid, butt-ugly woman for the next five years and enjoy it. Chris decided that this was a small price to pay for an eternity in heaven. So off he went with this
enormous woman, pretending to be happy.
As he was walking along, he saw his friend Jim up ahead. Jim was with an even bigger, uglier woman than he was with. When he approached Jim he asked him what was going on, and Jim replied, ‘I cheated on my income taxes and scammed the government out of a lot of money…even more then you did.’ They both shook their heads in understanding and figured that as long as they have to be with these women, they might as well hang out together to help pass the time.
Now Chris, Jim, and their two beastly women were walking along, minding their own business when Chris and Jim could have sworn that they saw their friend Ross up ahead, only this man was with an absolutely drop dead gorgeous supermodel / centerfold. Stunned, Chris and Jim approached the man and in fact it was their friend Ross. They asked him how is he with this unbelievable goddess, while they were stuck with these god-awful women.
Ross replied, ‘I have no idea, and I’m definitely not complaining. This has been absolutely the best time of my life (and I’m dead,) and I have five years of the best sex any man could hope for to look forward to. There is only one thing that I can’t seem to understand. After everytime we have sex, she rolls over and murmur’s to herself, ‘Damn income taxes!’

There is an 80 year old virgin who suddenly gets an itch in her crotch area. She goes to the doctor who checks her out and tells her she has crabs.
She explained that she couldn’t have crabs because she was a virgin, but the doctor didn’t believe her, so she went to get a second opinion.
The second doctor gave her the same answer.
So she went to a third doctor and said ‘Please help me. This itch is killing me and I know that I don’t have crabs because I’m a virgin’.
The doctor checks her out and says ‘I have good news and bad news. The good news is you don’t have crabs, the bad news is that your cherry rotted and you have fruit flies.’